Ever tried to change, and watched it wear off?
You're not broken. You started in the wrong place. The new job, the move, the relationship, the milestone: each one feels like the change, and each one wears off. Underneath it is the same question you've been avoiding: who am I when no one is watching? Change that lasts starts on the inside.
How it works, for you.
In July 2004 I walked into treatment with nothing left to lose. Somebody treated me like I was worth saving before I believed it myself. Twenty-plus years later I'm still in recovery, I run treatment centers, and I've watched the same thing hold true for thousands of people: the inside has to change first.
The inside work happens in three places.
Mindset: why you think what you think. You can't solve an issue you don't know you have. Your beliefs are programs, installed by what happened to you and the story you told yourself about it. The story keeps you in a state, the state drives your actions, and your actions produce your results.
Heartset: how you hold yourself. Your relationship with yourself is the most important one you have, and it usually gets the least attention. When it's missing, we try to control people, places and things. We take vacations to get away from ourselves instead of be with ourselves, and chase labels and status instead of listening to the heart. The ego is louder, and it cares about what you do. The heart knows who you are. It wants to give, and it's where your true self lives.
Soulset: how you treat everyone else. Check your soul: what you love shows up in how you treat other people. The question: if you had to give one last speech before you die, what would it be about?
1. Start with one honest look inside. What results are you getting in your physical, mental, emotional, social and spiritual life? What do you think about each one, and why do you think what you think?
2. Do one inside thing today. Not ten. One.
3. Keep going. If you want someone in your corner, I offer one-on-one coaching through the inside work. The book, The Inside Job, is coming. The videos are short, honest and a few minutes each, on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok. Or bring the message to your group, your church, your recovery community or your conference.
Coaching is not therapy or addiction treatment. If you or someone you love is in crisis, call or text 988 (Suicide and Crisis Lifeline). If you're looking for treatment, SAMHSA's National Helpline is 1-800-662-4357, free and confidential, 24/7.
Get the first chapter.
Another year on the outside, or a life you're grateful to wake up to. The Inside Job is coming. Tell me where to send the first chapter, and I'll send it the day it's ready.